Tuesday, October 21, 2008

That Beauty That is Terror

This poem was written awhile ago after losing someone I loved deeply and had been involved with at two extended time points in my life spanning fifteen years.
He was 45 at the time of his death which was not expected. Never had I felt as KNOWN as in this relationship. The ebb and flow of the connection was a given. After his death, I waited three years to even consider meeting someone else and then met someone immediately. I felt passionately and intensely about this new love but I had not yet been able to fully let go of the other relationship. This poem is about the new love that I met. Loving two people in this way, one of whom was not in this world, felt like an emotional tail spin.

I find I can still recapture all the feelings, the connection, and the disconnect and the struggle to stay in this new relationship, because I wanted to do so, while still not having said a total goodbye to someone that I felt to be a forever soul connection. At the same time, there was the feeling always that
my new love would disappear (i.e. die)

That Beauty That is Terror

Loving you
Without benefit of words
or without your presence
Can be as one of Rilke's Angels

That beauty that
Is terror
To this part-time
Little girl in a grown up world

Cursed and blessed with
Seeing potentials and feelings
She navigates by default a
Ship on a tilt alone
Toward unknown shores

While away from you
As Captain you seem
Otherwise occupied
Cerebral, distracted

Perhaps through
No fault of
Your own and
Perhaps as her illusion
Charting your own course

Leaving to the girl-child
The here and now
Day by day journey
Giving her few coordinates

Yet you remain
Ever the diplomat
Caring,responsive
Benovelence implied
Consolation given

Coming to you
Is like entering a
Haven from navigating
A respite
An oasis of connection

Moving within three feet of
Your skin and
Your touch
Is like moving
Through a mine field of

Chemistry and involuntary responses
A yearning energy of
Physical longing and wanting
Needing urgently, immediately
Yet never wanting the need to end

Being with you
In the biblical sense is
Fire in a desert, phoenix rising
Spiritual, passionate, consuming
Ultimate dirty dancing

Speeping with you is
Safety at a primal level
For a sensitive soul
Touching knowing without barrier
Being.

13 comments:

Charli said...

Linda,

I really like this poem. When was it written? I can feel your all-consuming love for this man. It must have been a passionate relationship. I'm sorry for his death.

I appreciate your use of Rilke's angels. Every angel is terrifying. How true. We do not know what to do with beauty. It overwhelms us.

You are a thoughtful and well-read poet!

Thinking of you, as always.

Charli

Linda S. Socha said...

Charli
Much thanks for your comments and observations. I appreciate you and your thoughts deeply.

The passionate aspect of relationship was there with the love I lost. Although this poem is actually about the relationship after his death and the struggles I had just staying in the new relationship with J. and trying to reconcile these new feelings while still experiencing the loss of the long term love.

The new love was all consuming but not with the ease and sense of belonging of the one I lost.
I wrote this poem about 8 years ago.
Linda

Stu said...

I feel if I leave a comment it would be like disturbing the tranquil waters of Shangri-La. Suffice it to say that I value your kind and wise words and I enjoy peeking into your world and pondering on the treasures I see. May peace rest upon your house.

Linda S. Socha said...

Stu
I like your comments. You are always ok here!
You are perceptive. I aspire toward Shangri-La but find I tend to be there mentally while living in the eye of the storm. Come back anytime!
Linda

Imperfeitinha s2 said...

Thank you..
I lovely your blog, too!
;)
Sorry, If i'll speak very fine English.... rsrs
But, what you wants?

Bye, kisses

Writer on Board said...

Linda. Reading it again. Still moves me....

Charly said...

Hi Linda- Thanks for visiting my blog :) I would be coming from Texas and I think we have decided on Nashville... not that I have someone on the 'inside,' maybe you can direct me friends and me on places to go and things to do?

FlyingRabbit said...

Linda
I think I should go on studying English hard to let myself qualified to totally understand this poem.
and I'm surprised to read such beautiful words from stu. haha

Lucy said...

An extraordinary expression of such complex feelings. Thank you for sharing this.

Mrs Wonka said...

Thank you for sharing

Dreamlight said...

Love this poem so much. It resonated with me.

Robbin with 2 B's! said...

Hi Linda, thanks for visiting my blog and sharing your Cedar Tree memories. I am going through some health problems at the moment and my blog is kinda boring with all that at the moment but come back anytime and I love your poem too. It touched me.

matthew said...

Wonderful poem that documents such complexity. The depths of the spirit amidst change never ceases to amaze. Thank you for writing and sharing.