Monday, October 6, 2008

Old Boyfriends Just Fade Away...Girlfriends Are Forever

I have loved dancing always. I can be dancing and never move. I dance in my inner self if less of late in reality. I considered a degree in physical education, because of the dance options, equally with my final decision of psychology. I love what I do and the decision I made may have been a toss up. Although psychology is a lifelong love for me, I am truly one of those people who would rather be dancing than many other things.

I spent a lot of time playing hostess and social butterfly to large gatherings of diverse friends, with wine and dance on the menu, in the past. I still do this at times but the gatherings are smaller and more likely to include poetry from our Live Poet's Chowder Society! I first met Karen when my ex beau brought her to one of those fondly remembered parties at my home. Since he had never brought any of his current flames to my place, I knew this one might be serious.

He and I had spent three plus years in an up and down roller coaster relationship with both of us exploring our single independent status and alternately aiming to be together...sort of. I can truthfully say there were few dull moments. Time was spent ,with me at least, trying to decide where our relationship was headed when I met someone that helped me know definitely that the direction was not going to be long term.

Karen and he were together dating a year. They were married just a tad less than one year. I found out about their split when I was arranging a get together for their first year anniversary celebration. I received a call from her new husband telling me it looked as if I needed to hold off on sending out the invitations. I knew he was not committed to marriage in general but I had hoped it would take in the specific with Karen. In the short time I had known Karen I had come to admire and love her.. It was apparent that he adored her. Alas, even adoration is not always enough without the determination to stay married that needs to go with it.

I talk to him on occasion now via the internet and I can see how much he has grown. I am glad to have known him then and now. He is a fine and talented man. I find I can remember why I appreciated so much who he was then. He still has those qualities.

Karen and I worked through their divorce as the closest of friends. It was a dark and painful time and it passed. I find it amazing to realize that next week she is celebrating a 22nd anniversary with her husband Hal. Hal is solid and will be there for Karen for the duration. He is a forever friend to me..

Karen and I used to laugh and say we would all have to combine the time we had spent married between us all to come up with a group 50th wedding anniversary. She may make it closer to the 50th. You know, I have come to learn that life is not a ball game. It is not one, two,three strikes you are out. Relationships are tough to maintain and they can be fragile while appearing tough as steel.

Karen has seen me through a divorce and all that entails for a close lifetime friend. Karen has steadfastly seen me through the dark days of my life including death of my daughter-in-law Gay, the death of my sister Rose Marie three years later at age 40 due to incurable Lukemia, the death of my mother six months after that of my sister Rose and the loss of a love I thought a soul mate in another 10 years.

The truth is that while old boyfriends can give you a catch in breath, a hot feeling in the pit of your stomach and a nostalgia of the heart they do fade away if with sweet and warm fuzzy memory . Girl Friends are forever and that can make all the difference. Thanks for being my friend Karen.


jiggins said...

Good post!

I am a man, a fairly young one.. getting younger by the minute :) I have buddies that I have known for 15 years or so.. which is half of my life. It was one day that I realized that through everything I had been through and put myself through in this life - these guys were always there for me. I mean, really, there.. So I can relate. Good to have an anchor when things get choppy. See ya on the next page!

Linda S. Socha said...

Much thanks for the comment! I like your blog and liked seeing the Peaceful Warrior as one of your favs.....I used to work a little at learning Aikido....loved Dan Millman's books with Way of the Peaceful Warrior being one of his best I thought. See you soon!

FlyingRabbit said...

Hey, Linda, this article is great. Having a life-long friend is the gift god gives you. If it is she, then she'll be my wife. If it is he, he'll be my brother. If god loves me heavily by giving me gifts as two shes, what I should do... If I were a rabbit, I just have two mates. lol.

It's a wonderful thing being loved by friends. When you do something, you feel you do it not only for yourself but for someone who care about you, then you'll feel very motivated. So, Linda, I'm grateful that you're alwaying motivating me.

I can relate to it that relationships are tough to maintain. I like to learn something new to surprise my friends. lol. There is a Chinese old saying: The friendship between men of virtue is light like water, yet affectionate; the friendship between men without virtue is sweet like wine, yet easily broken.

Linda S. Socha said...


You are such a lovely person...You are genuine and real and I appreciate you.Sometimes I think you are wise for your years!. I can't wait to see what you will be like at 40!. Thank you for the very thoughtful comments. I appreciate them and you/ I especially appreciate how you always look for the good in things.

Shadow said...

this is lovely!