Old Boyfriends Just Fade Away...Girlfriends Are Forever

I have loved dancing always. I can be dancing and never move. I dance in my inner self if less of late in reality. I considered a degree in physical education, because of the dance options, equally with my final decision of psychology. I love what I do and the decision I made may have been a toss up. Although psychology is a lifelong love for me, I am truly one of those people who would rather be dancing than many other things.

I spent a lot of time playing hostess and social butterfly to large gatherings of diverse friends, with wine and dance on the menu, in the past. I still do this at times but the gatherings are smaller and more likely to include poetry from our Live Poet's Chowder Society! I first met Karen when my ex beau brought her to one of those fondly remembered parties at my home. Since he had never brought any of his current flames to my place, I knew this one might be serious.

He and I had spent three plus years in an up and down roller coaster relationship with both of us exploring our single independent status and alternately aiming to be together...sort of. I can truthfully say there were few dull moments. Time was spent ,with me at least, trying to decide where our relationship was headed when I met someone that helped me know definitely that the direction was not going to be long term.

Karen and he were together dating a year. They were married just a tad less than one year. I found out about their split when I was arranging a get together for their first year anniversary celebration. I received a call from her new husband telling me it looked as if I needed to hold off on sending out the invitations. I knew he was not committed to marriage in general but I had hoped it would take in the specific with Karen. In the short time I had known Karen I had come to admire and love her.. It was apparent that he adored her. Alas, even adoration is not always enough without the determination to stay married that needs to go with it.

I talk to him on occasion now via the internet and I can see how much he has grown. I am glad to have known him then and now. He is a fine and talented man. I find I can remember why I appreciated so much who he was then. He still has those qualities.

Karen and I worked through their divorce as the closest of friends. It was a dark and painful time and it passed. I find it amazing to realize that next week she is celebrating a 22nd anniversary with her husband Hal. Hal is solid and will be there for Karen for the duration. He is a forever friend to me..

Karen and I used to laugh and say we would all have to combine the time we had spent married between us all to come up with a group 50th wedding anniversary. She may make it closer to the 50th. You know, I have come to learn that life is not a ball game. It is not one, two,three strikes you are out. Relationships are tough to maintain and they can be fragile while appearing tough as steel.

Karen has seen me through a divorce and all that entails for a close lifetime friend. Karen has steadfastly seen me through the dark days of my life including death of my daughter-in-law Gay, the death of my sister Rose Marie three years later at age 40 due to incurable Lukemia, the death of my mother six months after that of my sister Rose and the loss of a love I thought a soul mate in another 10 years.

The truth is that while old boyfriends can give you a catch in breath, a hot feeling in the pit of your stomach and a nostalgia of the heart they do fade away if with sweet and warm fuzzy memory . Girl Friends are forever and that can make all the difference. Thanks for being my friend Karen.

We are promised nothing and build everything from that

"Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Dylan Thomas



Looking at those old faded photos of Gay with Naomi celebrating her first birthday in January of 1983...her only one with her Mother and her Dad and family......I can be transported there now and remember the smells and sounds of that small celebration.... Like stepping into that Video we wished we had taken. Gay had eleven months after that. We are promised nothing. We can take nothing for granted.... except that this too shall pass.

In Memoriam

Gay Ramsay Pruitt
May 17, 1960.........December 30, 1983

Poem in process

Horizons

Sack cloth
Ashes and Leomonade
Lost chances,
lost romances and
making the best of it.
Whatever it is

Not at all what I thought
it would be all about
in the Golden Years.
Yet here it is....
Struggling to keep walking

While refrains of the spirit of
Carpe Diem
thought lost or elusive
still remain
too close for comfort
clouding the horizon

Not without fear to
the heart of even
this optimist born,
Dancing through Moulin Rouge
could be a mistep
considering all

While throwing in the towel
wishing to be 15
still in the middle of
the joy of everything is
yet to come... to she who waits.

Little comfort is gained
from dreams of
an eternal playmate
at your side
In anticipation of
soulmate sharing ,sustance found

You know the one?
Mary Jane and sniffles
Poor poof piffles
Make me just as small as sniffles
and off to adventure land
by the shear will of it

Entering into the storybook world
by magic incantation
fearless of even
fire breathing dragons,
exaulted in that perfect playmate

Always able to return
home comforted
Full of places visited,
kingdoms won.
Knowing knights are knighted and
order restored to whatever

That time when
summer seemed eternal and
winter just a blip on the
universe of all
things lie ahead of us still.

Lost in the universe of
what might have been
too many could haves
like oil and water
won't be an easy mix with
looking at what is

Even while rewriting the
script for one more act,
incorporating the
stage at hand,
knowing tarnished troubadours

Sack cloth, ashes and
lost maps to Treasure Island
may be the crux of it,
What might have beens are
hard to lay down.

Lss May 5, 2004